I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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