that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
