What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
