So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
