I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
