and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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