He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
