our cab driver is having phone sex.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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