Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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