Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
