Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
