He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
