Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
