when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
