I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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