i just wanna soil my oats bro
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
