She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
