So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Found the puke drawer
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
