I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
My feet surprised me
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