all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Randomize
