I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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