So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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