I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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