One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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