i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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