During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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