Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
