So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
