True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
