FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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