so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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