I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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