i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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