White coat. Heels.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I touched a dick in church today
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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