Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just want nice things and good sex
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
