we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I want a musical about memes.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
