his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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