I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
