This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize