I think I died a long time ago.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
