Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
