Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The chlamydia really affected his face.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Randomize
