You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
