The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
