Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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