At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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