Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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