I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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