He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Is it because I queefed?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
