I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
