hotel room ftw
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
