dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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