What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Who died my cat blue again?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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