I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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