Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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