i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
