that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
