Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
