so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
