"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
