Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
