tell your sister to shave her snatch
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
