I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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