I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
