What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize