a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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