I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize