I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
