He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
