yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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