You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
