Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize