Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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