I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I think I just sharted jello shots
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
