I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
