i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
