WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
