So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
