Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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