god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize