Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
