the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
