Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
