I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Two words: blizzard sex
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize