Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
farters have to be the big spoon...
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
