I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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