Apparently you make a good broom.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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