Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
