So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
