I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
