I think im going to throw up on grandma
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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