Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
