Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
