Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Randomize
