I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
