i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
