The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize