How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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